Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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