I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
