you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
