yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
