you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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