I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
