Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
