...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
