How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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