I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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