it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
