Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
did i walk over a car last night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
