and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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