I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
