Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
