He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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