In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
