I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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