I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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