there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
