Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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