Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
