If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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