Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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