so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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