Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
someone owes me an orgasm
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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