mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
