you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
this is an emotional support booty call
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
