she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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