I like to think it a success when the cops are called
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
