had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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