I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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