if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
