Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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