Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
