Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
