Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
