Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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