he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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