oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
