so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
