Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
