i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
