He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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