I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
