he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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