I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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