and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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