is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
