If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
